Friday, October 17, 2014

The Mommy Wars

I've been meaning to write this for some time, and I know I still have catching up to do on here, but I think it is important to get the proverbial pen to paper on this one.

Every week something new pops up on my facebook feed to roll my eyes about. Judgey blogs from all over about every parenting decision out there. Breastfeeding. Formula feeding. Attachment parents. Cry it out. Cloth Diapers. Disposable Diapers. Baby led weaning. Making your own purees. Homeschool. Co-sleeping. The list goes on and on and...

My favorite eyeroll-worthy article?

(Sidenote: I disagree wholeheartedly, as I believe that imagination/creativity, etc. is a SKILL that we have to teach our children. I mean we don't just say..."here's a book, have fun learning to read, I'll be in the kitchen" right? Then why does the author think we can do that with imagination? But I digress...)

All these articles just serve to make moms feel judged and incite the so-called "Mommy Wars." Which, summed up, is "any decision you make there are going to be holier-than-thou moms jusging you."

But here is my secret...I don't get it. I don't get why people get so into these Mommy wars. Who cares how someone takes care of their kid. You want to rock your kid to sleep every night? Cool. You want to sleep train? Cool. Neither affects me. So I don't understand why so many people care.

The only thing that I can come up with about why the Mommy Wars fire is still burning is that people are doubting of their choices and looking for outside validation. Otherwise, what do I care what anyone uses to diaper their child? If it works for your family...have at it.

And what works for our family is a little out of the norm. We cloth diaper. Do baby led weaning. Room-in until 6 months. Extended breastfeeding. And yet I don't have one inkling of desire to share any articles touting the superiority of any of those choices. Those are also all things that people giggled at before I had Ellie and gave me the requisite "just wait, you'll switch when you actually have a baby" talk. They clearly underestimate the assurance I have in my decisions on how to care for my family. And again, why do they need to drone on about their opinion on my choices? I just don't get it...

I was talking to a friend about this a bit ago and she called me out, being such a breastfeeding advocate. But you know what? Even that...feed your baby. If formula feeding is better for you, fine. Of course, what I AM passionate about is that IF you want to breastfeed that anyone have access to resources to help them do so (especially when there is SUCH a socioeconomic disparity in breastfeeding success!). But while breastfeeding is most certainly better for myself and my family, formula feeding is undoubtedly best for others. If it isn't my family, who am I to feel so impassioned about the decisions?

I'd love to call for an end to these Mommy wars, but that isn't realistic. Instead, new Mommies...spend 10 times less worrying about your decisions. Stick with them fiercely if they are working.  Change if they are not. And tune out anyone that tells you anything different.

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