Saturday, December 1, 2012

So emotional

So these days I have been ridiculously emotional. I am blaming the hormones, but I'm sure that isn't all of it.

This time last year sucked. No other way around it.

A year later, I'm happier than I have ever been before.

What a difference a year makes.

But really, it seems as though going through the motions of this time of year just bring things flooding back, and sometimes the irony is just too apparent to excuse.

For example, we need to pack our small coolers this year when we go to the Detroit competition for E's milk. Last year, we had to take a non-food cooler too...for my meds. I can remember trying to make sure the people traveling with us got the one with the lunch meat, and NOT the one with the syringes.

This year I'm concerned with finding a place to breastfeed E in the midst of the competition. Last year, I was concerned about finding a place to give myself shots.

I can't even think about the emotions that are going to be wrapped up in Christmas. The holiday was a pretty dark and confusing time for us last year, and then Ryan's grandmother passed away 2 days afterwards on the due date for one of our angels. And then three days later we found out I was pregnant with E. I fully accept that this Christmas, I'm just going to be a mess between it being Ellie's first Christmas, anticipating Christmases to come, and also thinking back to last year.

The contrasts are insane. Really. In some ways it gives me increased faith on just how fast a situation can turn around. Yes, Lord, I'm not missing the irony in this. I get that this is a big "DUH" for me for being less than trusting that you had the perfect baby girl picked out just for me. Lesson learned, and plans turned over to you.

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