Saturday, September 29, 2012

4 weeks

Dear little Ellie-bean,

You are 4 weeks old today! In some ways that is so hard to believe, but in other ways, I can't even remember my pre-Ellie life. It was probably much quieter, much more productive, and much less fun.

We've had a busy week! You came with me to my doctor's appointment on Tuesday. All the nurses loved seeing you. Laurie was shocked you were so small and apologized, but I told her you were just perfect. We also went to the mall with Grandma Zaher to scour Gymboree. You got quite the loot. Although I don't want you to get any bigger, I can't wait until you can fit into some of these super-cute clothes. Wednesday you were at the gym being loved and cuddled by those crazy cheer aunties of yours. You were so good for them! Thursday Aunt Janel came down to see you and you had your first trip to Hana Yori, YUM! You didn't much like them banging those knives around, though. Then Friday we went out to lunch with your Grandma and Grandpa Zaher. You gave them nice cuddles, like always!

You're getting a little fussier these days. You don't want to just go to sleep after a meal anymore. You are so alert and your little eyes are going a million miles a minute. You will close those eyes for awhile, we will assume you are asleep and then all of a sudden you will POP them open. You are still an awesome sleeper! You set a new record last night with sleeping from 10:00 to 6:20. Over 8 hours!!! We are s thankful you are a good sleeper.

I still spend lots of time just staring at you. I am so lucky to be your Mommy, and Daddy and I love you more than you will ever know. You are such a special little girl, and I hope that as you continue to grow up that you see that more and more.

I love you, baby Bean!
Mommy

Saturday, September 22, 2012

3 weeks

Dear baby Ellie,

Happy three week birthday, little bean! I still stare at you every day in disbelief that I got so lucky to have such an amazing daughter. You're getting so big, so fast, though, little one! I'm not sure I'm ready for you to grow up this fast. So everyday, I spend time just looking at you and trying to etch into my brain every one of your precious little features.

You've had a very busy week. Last Saturday we took you to your first car show. Everyone commented on how tiny you are, which I got kind of tired of hearing. After that, you went out to eat with Brad and Sondra. You slept through the whole thing. You were a hit at church too. I think you were a big distraction for a lot of people though. I understand, it is somewhat hard for me to concentrate when I could be watching you.

You are growing so fast, as seen at your doctor's appointment. Your weight is up a bit and you've gotten longer. No surprise, you're still feeding like a champ. You're also sleeping well...most of the time. I made a BIG mistake and took you out of your fleece sleep sack one night this week because I was worried you were getting too hot. You DID NOT like that, and went from giving us a 5 hour stretch of sleep to only 2-3. We were both horribly tired and cranky the next day! So, you are back in the sleep sack again. Last night you did a 6 hour stretch, just like Grandma Mason told you to!

Both sets of grandparents have been over this week, and you've been a champ cuddling with both of them. Grandma Zaher was over a couple times to drop off clothes. I need to do some work rearranging your closet, because you have quite the wardrobe now, little fashionista! And you went out to eat with Grandma Mason last night for her birthday.

We've started doing more tummy time this week too. I'm not sure how you like it (although you almost rolled over!) but your brother Truffle LOVES it. He comes over and sniffs you and tries to share his food and toys with you when you are on your blanket. He does not like to be away from you one single bit. If we take him on walks without you, he wants to come back right away. I think you're growing on him.

Right now, you are snoozing away on Daddy's chest while I got up to pump. You are so in love with your Daddy, that it is amazing. He is so good with you, and has so much patience. He didn't want to get up from the couch to put you to bed last night because you were holding and squeezing his finger. We're both just so in love with you, baby bean, and we're so lucky that we get to be your parents.

I love you Ellie-bean!
Mommy

Monday, September 17, 2012

Second pediatrician appointment

Miss Ellie had her second pediatrician appointment today. I took her myself...and THAT was a lot of work, especially when she decided to cry hysterically mid-appointment. But, the good news: she is up to 6 pounds 11 ounces! Go baby bean! She moved up from being in the 4th percentile to the 7th. Now bring on those double digits! She's almost grown 2 inches too...she's 20 3/4 inches. I'm so excited she's doing so well!


Saturday, September 15, 2012

2 weeks!

Dear Ellie-bean,

It is still so hard to believe that you've been here for 2 whole weeks. What a whirlwind...but Daddy and I still couldn't be happier!

2 weeks ago right now we were waiting for visitors...and this past week you've had LOTS of visitors! You met your Aunt Mandy, both sets of grandparents have been over, you met Nana Terri, AND you met your great-grandpa! You are one popular little girl. I can't blame everyone for wanting to come see you!

I was away from you on Sunday for the longest time ever. Good thing Daddy took awesome care of you, but I didn't like it at all!

We had lots of firsts this week...first trip to church (you were SO good and slept through it all!), first trip to Target (of many more to come) and first outing with Mommy alone (to the breastfeeding support meeting). Speaking of which, feeding is going awesome. You are already up to your birth weight and hopefully you continue to pack it on. You are keeping me busy eating every hour to hour and a half during the day. But I don't mind at all, especially since you are a super-sleeper at night! You sleep from 11pm to 5am pretty consistently. Your Dad and I are SO thankful for this! We like our sleep.

Truffle is finally getting used to you too. He even tried to share his ball with you when you were in your bouncer yesterday. He set it in there, right at your feet. It was so sweet. He got a little frustrated when you didn't throw it for him though. I think he's excited about you getting big enough to play with him.

Every single morning, I still wake up and stare at you, just like I did two weeks ago. I still can't believe that I am lucky enough to be your Mommy. That really is the best thing ever! I could still just sit and stare at you all day, and I still tear up thinking about how incredibly blessed I am to have you here in my arms.

I love you SO much, Ellie-bean!
Mommy


Thursday, September 13, 2012

Unexpected Inspiration

Songs can seriously bring in LOTS of memories. Today E and I took our first trip "out" together, just the two of us, to a breastfeeding support group. The good news is that she is up to 6 pounds 6 ounces (yay! Past birth weight!). But what I wasn't expecting is the emotional rollercoaster when I simply got in the car. My playlist hasn't been on in awhile since I haven't been driving. When it started, songs came on that I spent all of last summer running to. Through the undeniably worst times in my life I listened to some of those on repeat. Hearing them today, after putting E in the back of the car, just made me emotional. Somewhat in a "full circle" kind of way, and some in a "why didn't I just have faith?" way.

Also, I found THE most perfect song for THE most perfect little girl today. Totally unexpected. Totally not a "baby" song. But I can't imagine that any other lyrics could better describe what E and I went through together.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WuwtPOh3lxo

Saturday, September 8, 2012

1 week

Dear Baby Ellie,

It is so, so hard to believe that a week ago right now we were sitting in the hospital, staring at you (with the ND game on in the background) and waiting for your first round of visitors to come meet you. Daddy and I were such saps yesterday, looking back to what was happening a week ago. And now we're out in the living room, you are relaxing in your swing (which you LOVE) and we are waiting for the boys to get up. You were a crankypants last night and didn't let anyone get much sleep, but especially not Daddy. He is so good about getting up with you and letting me get at least a little rest. He even hears your little squirms and cries before I do, which is crazy since he's always been able to sleep through anything.

You went for your first walk in the stroller yesterday, and you loved it! I think your big borther liked it too, and was happy to have all 3 of us out on a walk with him. We'll definitely be taking more walks together.

We spent a lot of time this week getting some good newborn pictures of you. You didn't make it easy! You are not one of those newborns that will just go to sleep. You were wide awake, even when we put you on the heating pad. But now we have a lot of pictures of those beautiful blue eyes, so it is worth it! Oh, and you peed all over every backdrop we have. That made us giggle (a LOT) and me really hurt my stitches.

You are eating SO much more these last few days, it is crazy! I'm hoping you are packing on those pounds and we can get you weight back up. All we do, though, is feed, feed, feed. I won't complain though, because I just get to sit and stare at you.

The last week has been the best one in mine and Daddy's lives. We still can't believe that you are actually here, and that this beautiful little girl we can't put down and spend so much time staring at is actually OURS. We love you SO much and we are so lucky to be your parents.

I love you, Ellie-bean!
Mommy



Thursday, September 6, 2012

First Pediatrician Appointment

Okay, so here is where I start owning up to Mommy failures. When we went in to the hospital to have E, we hadn't yet picked a pediatrician. Yeah, lovely, huh? In my defense, we're still on the insurance from Ryan's old work, and in a couple weeks we are going to be on the new insurance, so it seemed kind of useless to go through. So at the hospital they assigned us a staff pediatrician. The first day, another doctor in that practice came to check out Ellie. Long story short, he left the room, and Ryan and I both looked at each other and we knew we'd found our pediatrician! He was perfect for us! The right amount of funny calming and extremely caring.


So, today was our first out-of-the hospital pediatrician appointment. The good news is that Ellie is doing great. She's officially 19.75 inches long and back up to 5 pounds 12.5 ounces (from 5 pounds 11 ounces the third day in the hospital). The weight thing freaks me out a bit since I hate seeing that she's in the 4th percentile for weight, but we'll just keep feeding her as much as possible and hope she regains that weight quickly. The doctor and nurses both were very reassuring, so I am hopeful we'll make up ground for next time.

Oh, and you know you're a princess when you get flowers and you're not even a week old! Princess Ellie got flowers from Dad's new work. Aren't they pretty?


Monday, September 3, 2012

She is here!

Welcome to the world, baby Ellorie!
September 1, 2012 at 1:36am
6 pounds 4 ounces, 19 inches


Birth Story-the short version:
At my appointment on Thursday, it was decided that there was "no time like the present" and that we would be inducing that evening. We went home, packed our bags and went to the hospital. We got started on the induction at 6:30pm on Thursday, August 30. By 9am on Friday the 31st, we were in a labor and delivery suite. Ellie was not tolerating the use of pitocin well, and gave us a couple scares with her heart rate dropping, so the doctor made the suggestion to go for a c-section at 12:30am on Saturday, September 1, after 30 hours of labor. Ellie was born at 1:36am that morning. 

Birth Story-the full version (warning...this one has ALL the gory details!):
So, on Thursday the 30th, I went happily off to my 1:20pm doctor's appointment, very nervous, but excited that we would be scheduling my induction. I got hooked up for the NST, and they took my vitals. My blood pressure was up slightly. We got the NST started and I could tell that she was doing well. Same accelerations that she's always had. The doctor came in after 10 minutes, looked at the NST and commented that she was doing great, but that he didn't like my blood pressure being up. So I asked about the induction, since it was always the plan that I wouldn't really go past 39 weeks, and I was 39 weeks that day. He looked at me and said, "how about tonight?" I think my eyes just about bugged out of my head. "Um, what???" NO WAY was I prepared for him to say that. Sure, maybe Friday. Or Saturday, but TONIGHT??? He told me that "there's no time like the present!" checked my cervix (same) and sent me off to await a call from the hospital regarding what time to be there. 

I am completely certain that I should NOT have been driving at that point in time. Like NOT AT ALL. I was a panicky mess. I texted Ryan to call me, and he did a couple minutes later.I said "Well, you ready to have a baby?" He replied with "sure, when?" thinking exactly what I was when I went to the doctor that day. "Tonight." He kind of freaked just like I did. Oh, my goodness. I called Lori, and freaked out to her, then Janel (who didn't answer her phone and therefore got the freaked text message) all while driving to Papa Murphy's to grab a pizza for dinner before we headed in. This was all happening so fast, and I did not feel ready in the least.

The doctor told me to go home and rest, both because my blood pressure wasn't great, and because I would need all the rest I could get for that evening when we got things started. So I made lists of what else needed to go in the hospital bag, and laid down on the bed curled up with Truff. I know he knew something was going on, because he was extra snuggly, which was JUST what I needed. Ryan finally came home, we got things together, had dinner, dropped Truff off to his puppy sitters and headed to the hospital.

The last belly shot before I had something to put in this crib.

We got to the hospital around 6:30 and were taken back to an antepartum room where we would be hanging out until the induction started the next day. I was hooked up to monitors, and got to listen to E and relax. They drew some blood and put an IV port in, but I luckily didn't have to be hooked up to an IV yet. At about 8:00 I had an internal check my one of the residents (OUCH...she did not have the "magic touch with these) who confirmed my dilation, and got ready to give me the cytotec. They explained that I needed to stay "down" and not use the bathroom for 2 hours., preferably. No pressure on the pregnant lady here, right? 

About 2am, they came in again to check me and give me my second cytotec dose. I was a good 2cm at that time, and was starting to have much more noticeable contractions. After they inserted the second one, the contractions picked up to the point where they were uncomfortable enough that I couldn't sleep through them. So while I was resting, Ryan and I were pretty much up from that point on. 

Around 6:30am the nurse came to get me up, and told me that I could shower, have some breakfast, and then I would go over to the labor and delivery suite. There was some discussion on whether I could have a full breakfast or just clear liquids, but luckily, they let me eat whatever I wanted. Oh man, the raisin bran I had NEVER tasted that good. And finally, a blueberry muffin. Yum. By this point the contractions were pretty darn bad to the point where I couldn't walk or talk through them, and I had to really concentrate. So taking that shower was absolutely amazing! Between the warm water and standing up, the contractions felt so much better. I decided to sit in the lazy boy because that felt so much better to be upright than lying back at all when the contractions were really going. 

A little after 8am we got settled into our new room. The birthing suites there are amazing. They started the IV to pump me with liquids, and then started pitocin. After only about 10 minutes on pitocin, it because clear that the little one did NOT like it, regardless of what we did. I tried laying on both sides (with those icky contractions...ugh) and her heartrate just kept dropping with every contraction. So I was quickly taken off the pitocin and pumped with fluid to get that stuff out of my system ASAP. 

We were pretty freaked by this point, and I was sure we were heading straight to a c-section. After all, if she wouldn't tolerate pitocin, what other options did we have? And the contractions were getting much worse, to the point where I could not take it anymore and asked for pain meds. Instead, the witchy nurse poo-hooed them, and told me no on the meds. 

I realized how concerned the doctors really were when the brought an ultrasound machine in to do a biophysical profile. They played it off by saying that they wanted to see if they could determine why her heartrate was decelerating.The rest of the story is that they needed to know exactly how much distress E was in. When a good heartrate and a wiggly baby popped up on the ultrasound, we breathed a sigh of relief. But then they sat there waiting for about 15 extra minutes after they finished measurements. Yup, knew what this was too...she wasn't doing her "practice breathing" which is one of the criteria on the BPP. So instead of getting the normal 8/8, she got 6/8. Not great, but nothing to immediately worry about either. 

After the BPP, around 2pm, the doctor checked me and I was excited that I was dilated to a 3, but still only 80 percent effaced. I was at least making some progress on my own. Dr. Nevel decided that since she wasn't tolerating pitocin, we'd try breaking my water and see where that got us. In a strange way I think that helped me mentally, as we were "committed." The contractions got a little closer together from there (about 5 minutes apart) but were lasting 2 minutes or more per contraction, so there wasn't a lot of rest. I got a lot of relief from sitting as upright as possible, indian style. I would have loved to walk or use the birthing ball, but the nurse wouldn't let me as she was worried about E's heartrate. Staying in bed was definitely challenging as those contractions rolled through. 

At that point, though, three lovely things happened: they gave me IV drugs, lemon ice, and orange jello. I was so happy about this, I could've cried. The IV drugs didn't do a ton for the pain, but they did make me so loopy that I didn't care I was in pain. I think Ryan appreciated that! And the lemon ice and jello at that point were the best things I've ever tasted! Well, until I started getting sick. Orange jello coming back up was not as good. So I tried to stick to water and diet sprite. Which, after awhile both started coming up too.

The doctor came back in around 5pm to check my progress, and I was SO excited to see that I had made it to 5cm! Yay! Something was finally happening! They decided that I could get my epidural at this point (woooohoooo!) and called in the anesthesiology. Sitting still for that was HARD. It somewhat ticked and I SOOOO wanted to arch my back. So I was holding onto Ryan's waist and all of a sudden, Ryan gets REALLY heavy. I ask him if he's okay and he slinks to the floor. The room is like a blur here, people screaming at him to lay down, me to keep still, and Becky, the awesome nurse, running around to the front to keep me upright. After all was said and done, he was fine, and I was happy I had my epidural. We were all hopeful that now I was past 5 and in "active labor" that it would go quickly.

At around 7pm they checked me again, and no change at all...still at 5cm. How terribly disappointing. I was getting frustrated again, and extra frustrated because the epidural didn't seem to be working in my right hip at all. I could feel every single contraction, like lovely ice picks being jammed in my side. Ouch. 

Around 9pm, we decided to try pitocin again. This time, to monitor the strength of contractions, they were going to use an internal monitor since the external monitor kept getting messed up by me switching positions. So we put in the internal monitor. I, of course was also hooked up to the fetal heart rate monitor, bp monitor since my bp was going nutty, IV, and epidural. Talk about feeling like bionic woman! The internal monitor showed really strong contractions, though, so I was hopeful that things would start moving.

This is the point where things got BAD. I had an epidural that was only somewhat working. I was hooked up to so many wires I couldn't move in bed without major help, and then E's heartrate started decelerating again once the pitocin kicked in. For the two hours we tried our darndest to get me to progress. But we also had to keep moving me into different positions to try to stabilize E's heartrate. It was a mess. Then my bp started going even more haywire (into the 160s/100s) so we added blood pressure meds and EKG monitors to me.

Just before midnight, the doctor came in and checked me again. After all that drama, I was still at 5cm. No progress what so ever. She was very gentle in suggesting that it was time to move forward with a c-section, but I was on board 100 percent. Quite honestly, even if I was fully dilated at that point, I was in no condition to push. I was throwing up ice chips even, shaking uncontrollably, and just overall in bad shape. And, I had been at this about 28 hours at that point. 

The next hour or so was a blur. I got prepped for surgery. The anesthesiologist came in to talk to us, and we filled out the necessary paperwork. About 1am I was rolled back into surgery. Of course my big concern now became that my epidural was only kind of working and I certainly didn't want it to be only partially working if they were going to slice me open. The anesthesiologist put the meds in and then checked me with a pin and I freaked out because I could feel it. He did it again, and I freaked out again. He asked if I could feel PAIN (not normal) or PRESSURE (normal). I told him both. Then he called me a liar, because the doctor had just pinched me HARD and I didn't feel it. Um okay then. I'm feeling sheepish. Proceed. They brought Ryan in, and he stroked my hair and just sat there reassuring me that everything was going great and that we'd be done soon. The anesthesiologist was giving us more of a play-by-play of what was happening over the curtain. After 15 minutes or so he said that they were getting ready to get her out and that I'd feel a lot of pressure. A minute or so later, I felt that pressure and then heard some very squeaky cries. 

Ryan peeked over the curtain to see her as they took her over to the bassinet to check her out. And, of course, then I see the absolute panic in my poor husband's face as I know he can't decide what to do. So of course I tell him to grab that camera and get over there with her. They cleaned her off, and announced that she was 6 pounds 4 ounces. Ugh, where is the rest of her? The ultrasound from monday was off by over a pound! Maybe I controlled my diabetes a little TOO well. 

Ryan came back over to me as they were stitching me up, and we both just started crying. He could barely choke out "She is so beautiful. You did good." More tears. Everywhere. They brought her over while I was still being stitched up and did some skin on skin time with me. The problem was that I was still shaking so uncontrollably that I was seriously afraid I was going to drop her. So I handed her off to Ryan, who did skin on skin time with her. 

We were wheeled into a recovery area about 2am and Ellie was checked out even more by the staff. Luckily, everything was perfect, even her blood sugar. I started feeling better, little by little, and was able to hold Ellie and even try to nurse (although it wasn't very successful). 

It wasn't until almost 5am that we made it to our postpartum room. All three of us were absolutely exhausted, but there was no way I could sleep. All I wanted to do was just stare at my pretty girl. I just couldn't get over (and still can't!!!) that after everything, she is HERE and she is OURS.